This morning, I wrote this poem as a reflection on reaction to life events, how we see it differently at the time and how it can affect us later.
Sometimes we get stuck. I’ve been stuck.
When you feel invisible, you become invisible.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being the friendly neighborhood recluse, but it can become a burden when you’re not thinking of yourself in the most positive light. I didn’t post anything to my blog, so I’m disappointed in myself for not writing regularly like I had been.
BPD people SHOULD NOT pursue a loving relationship. You are uncontrollable. You hurt everyone you care for. You have no sense of who you are. It. Will. Fail.
This was my past self-talk fueled by years of tumultuous and failed relationships. Each one I learned more about loving myself and how to treat others.
Sometimes I wish I was normal and that I could go through the doors everyone else can, feeling happy and confident.
But meds definitely cost money. Happiness takes determination. Determination feeds off of motivation.
I hope to connect to a community of people who are dealing with the battle of mental illness. I believe it’s important to talk about our struggles to hopefully help someone not feel alone.
My name is Ajani, Aj for short, and I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am also an INFP personality type.
The media is taking notice of their power and influence, sounding the alarm on “suicide contagion”. After the suicide of beloved American celebrities designer Kate Spade, followed by chef Anthony Bourdain soon after, the coverage of their loss might embolden those that might already be thinking of taking their lives.
According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention the overall rise of suicides nationwide is almost 25%.
I’ve always been told suicide is cowardly and selfish. I struggle with depression, and suicidal thoughts. I’ve self-harmed by cutting myself, trying hard to build up the courage to take my life, but I’d always chicken out — because I never could make myself completely lose hope (I use to think this made me weak).
As I head out with my husband on a roadtrp from Georgia to Texas for my family’s reunion, I can’t help but be thankful for their support and encouragement.
Just because it happened in the past doesn’t mean it’s forgotten. Don’t avoid it, don’t hide it! If you’re experiencing a tramatic event over and over again, today is the day you have the support of the world!
It’s not just Veterans!
If you think you might be suffering from PTSD, take this self-assessment. Do not suffer in silence!
Check out Jeanette’s post about PTSD and how it affects her life. She is a survivor and brave blogger also dealing with bipolar II
Hear me out!
My drugs keep me functioning so I can deal with the outside world, but if I don’t have them I’ll call around frantic, search my house for one drop, or sit down dealing with “brain shocks” that rattle my head, letting me know that I’m craving more.
Illustration by AJ
I’m addicted, but at least it’s legal and prescribed medication from a psychiatrist. Pills that if I miss a day or two of taking, I will feel madly uncomfortable.
Frida was thinking about it, Zoe thought I got distracted. Look at that reaction! 😂
Keep those frowns upside down!